My Contemplationz

SIRF TUM

2011-03-03T02:07:00.003-05:00

Tere ikhalas se muhabbat ki hai
Tere ehsas se muhabbat ki hai
Tu mere pass nah hai phir bhi
Teri yaad se muhabat ki hai
Kabhi tu ne bhi mujhe yaad kiya hoga
Main ne un lamhat se muhabat ki hai
Jin mein hon sirf teri or meri baatain
Main ne un aoqaat se muhabat ki hai
Aur jo mehkey hon sirf teri hi muhabat se
Main ne un jazbat se muhabat ki hai
Tujh se milna tu ab khawab sa lagta hai
Main ne tere intizar se muhabat ki hai

Meri Gali

2011-02-23T23:59:00.002-05:00

Meri gali se wo jab bhi guzarti hogi
Mod pe jaake kuch der theharti hogi

Bhool jaana mujhko itna aasaan to na hoga
Dil main kuch toot ke to bikharta hoga

Saath dekhe the Jo un khwabon ka kaarwaa
Ghubaar bankar uski aankhon me ubharta hoga

Koi jab choomta hoga use baanho me lekar
Mera pyar badan me uske sehrata hoga

Uski zulfon ko meri ungliyan dulaarti hongi
Saamne aaine ke wo jab bhi sanwarti hogi

Dard jab bhi deta hoga ye sangdil zamaana
Wo bewafa mujh ko yaad to karti hogi.

Unknown

Dheere

2010-09-09T23:02:00.005-04:00

Kuch to

2010-07-13T23:25:00.001-04:00

kuch to havaa bhi sard thi kuch tha tera khayaal bhi
dil ko khushii ke saath saath hotaa rahaa malaal bhi

[sard=cold; malaal=sorrow]

baat vo aadhi raat ki raat vo puure chaand ki
chaand bhi ain chet kaa us pe tera jamaal bhi

[chet=name of a month; jamaal=beauty]

sab se nazar bacha ke vo mujh ko aise dekhate
ek dafa to ruk gaii gardish-e-maah-o-saal bhi

dil to chamak sakegaa kyaa phir bhi taraash ke dekh lo
shiishaagaraan-e-shahar ke haath kaa ye kamaal bhi

[taraash=chisel/polish (stone); shiishaagar=glazier/one works with glass]

us ko na paa sake the jab dil kaa ajiib haal thaa
ab jo palat ke dekhiye baat thi kuch muhaal bhi

[muhaal=difficult/impossible]

meri talab thaa ek shakhs vo jo nahin milaa to phir
haath duaa se yuun giraa bhuul gayaa savaal bhii

[talab=quest/want; shaKhs=person]

shaam ki naasamajh havaa puuch rahi hai ik pataa
mauj-e-havaa-e-kuu-e-yaar kuch to meraa khayaal bhi

[naasamajh=naive]

us ke hi baazuuo.n mein aur us ko hi sochate rahe
jism ki khvaahisho.n pe the ruuh ke aur jaal bhi

Hum He Mein Thee

2010-04-26T09:35:00.005-04:00

Hum he mein thee na koi baat, yaad na tum ko aa sakay

Tum ne hamain bhula diya, hum na tumhein bhula sakay

Tum he na sun sakay agar qissa-e-gham sunay ga kaun

Kis ki zubaa.n khulay gee phir hum na agar suna sakay

Hosh mein aa chukay thay hum, josh mein aa chukay thay hum

Bazm ka rang dekh kar sar na magar utha sakay

Shauq-e-visaal hai yahaan lab pe savaal hai yahaan

Kis ki majaal hai yahaan hum se nazar mila sakay

Raunaq-e-bazm ban gaye lab pe hikayatain raheen

Lab pe shikayatain raheen lab na magar hila sakay

Aisa bhi koi nama-barr her baat pe kaan dhar sakay

Sun ker yaqeen kar sakay jaa ke unhain suna sakay

Ahl-e-zabaa.n to hain bohot, koi nahin hai ahl-e-dard

Kaun teri tarah Hafeez, dard ke geet ga sakay

Happiness?

2009-12-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

Sometimes in life there do come people whom you never wanna let go of. But fate usually has other plans for you. You have to let go of people who you don't wanna let go of and you have to accept people who you may not really want in your life. Going through any one of these is a humbling experience. This is where adaptibility comes in maybe.

It might not be a happy experiewnce, in fact, it is definitely not. But then you may find your own happiness once you make peace with yourself and your situation. Or maybe you might clone the same happiness in your new life. What is happiness really?

Is happiness the fulfillment of all your needs? Or is it making peace with yourself, your life and your God? Is it finding a perfect partner? Or is it getting the one you loved? Does happiness come from within or is it induced from material things?

Would you feel happy if your life long dream of having a big house by the lake is fulfilled? Would you feel happy if you got a perfect wife who loves you and is dedicated towards you? Or would you be happy if you were denied every material possession in exchange for a life long struggle with your love?

It is very complicated and subjective. The more you live life the more mysterious it becomes. At some points in life you understand it and at other points you feel you will never be able to understand it.

I think that maybe happiness lies in satisfaction. Being satisfied with your situation as it is, and being thankful for it. Not seeking other ways to get out of it. It maybe making the best of what you have. Maybe life is accepting whole heartedly what life throws your way. I'm not there yet, but I do hope that some day I would be.

Dasht-e-Hijraa.n Mein Na Saaya Na Sada

2008-09-19T23:55:00.000-04:00

Dasht-e-hijraa.n mein na saaya na sada teray baad
Kitnay tanha hain teray aabla-pa teray baad

Koi peghaam na dildaar-e-nava teray baad
Khaak uraati hui guzri hai saba teray baad

Lab pe ik harf-e-talab tha na raha teray baad
Dil mein taaseer ki khahish na dua teray baad

Aks-o-aaina mein ab rabt ho kiya teray baad
Hum to phirtay hain khud apnay se khafa teray baad

Dhoop aariz ki na zulfon ki ghata teray baad
Hijr ki rut hai keh habs ki fiza teray baad

Liye phirti hai sar-e-koo-e-jafa teray baad
Parcham-e-tar garebaa.n ko hava teray baad

Perahan apna na salamat na qaba teray baad
Bus vahi hum hain vahi sehra ki rida teray baad

Nikhat-o-ney hai na dast-e-qaza teray baad
Shaakh-e-jaa.n per koi ghuncha na khila teray baad

Dil na mehtaab se ujla na jala teray baad
Aik jugnu tha chup chaap bujha teray baad

Dard seenay mein hua nauha-sara teray baad
Dil ki dharkan hai ke maatam ki sada teray baad

Kaun se rango.n ke bhanvar kesi hina teray baad
Apna khoon meri hatheli pe saja teray baad

Tujh se bichra to murjha ke hava-burd hua
Kaun deta mujhay khilnay ki dua teray baad

Aik hum hain ke be barg-o-nava teray baad
Varna aabaad hai sab khalq-e-Khuda teray baad

Aik qayaamat ki kharaashain meray chehray pe sajeen
Aik mehshar meray andar se utha teray baad

Aye falak-e-naaz meri khaak nishaani teri
Main ne matti pe tera naam likha teray baad

Tu ke simta to rag-e-jaa.n ki hadon mein simta
Main ke bikhra to sameta na gaya teray baad

Ye alag baat hai ke afshaa.n na hua tu varna
Main ne kitna tujhay mehsoos kiya teray baad

Milnay vaalay kayee mafhoom pehen ker aaye
Koi chehra bhi na aankhon ne parha teray baad

Bujhay jaatay hain khad-o-khaal manaazir afaq
Phelta jaata hai khaahish ka khala teray baad

Meri dukhti hui aankhon se gavaahi lena
Main ne socha tujhay apnay se siva teray baad

Seh liya dil ne teray baad malaamat ka azaab
Varna chubhti hai rag-e-jaa.n mein hava teray baad

Jaan-e-Mohsin mera haasil yehi mubham satrain
Sher kehnay ka hunar bhool gaya teray baad

~Mohsin Naqvi

Bedard

2008-08-14T02:21:00.002-04:00

Hum vo bedard hain

Khaab ganva kar bhi jinhain neend aa jaati hai
Soch soch kar bhi jin ke zehnon ko kuch nahin hota
Toot phoot kar bhi jin ke dil dharakna yaad rakhtay hain

Hum vo bedard hain

Keh jin ke aansu aankhon ka rasta bhool jaatay hain
Toot kar ronay ki koshish main jo baat be-baat muskuraatay hain
Shaam se pehlay marr jaanay ki khaahish main jo

Jeetay hain aur....Jeetay he chalay jaatay hain

Dream? or Life?

2008-08-10T03:34:00.005-04:00

There's a famous qoute by John Lennon:

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

He comes in my dreams.
He walks towards me. He comes as a person who I can fall in love with. He does the perfect things, and says the perfect words. He comes closer and closer and gets bigger and bigger. He comes so close finally, that I can touch him. He holds my hands, sings to me. He says I look gorgeous with my hair loose in the wind. His fingers run through it.

He doesnt stop approaching towards me. He becomes big and so close that I cant see anyone around me but him. He keeps on advancing, upto a point where he starts making me uncomfortable. I complain, but he just smiles and says, he's doing that because he loves me so much. I take in the pain. His advancement doesnt stop. He hurts me now, and I'm almost bending on my knees trying to take in the pain. I start fallin down. And gradually his face changes.

His smile becomes an evil one, his eyes become blood red, his lips become wrinkly, and he starts smelling rotten. He turns into a monster. His voice changes and he screams to me that he doesnt love me. He rips open my chest, takes my heart out and squeezes all the life out of it. I fall down and he stomps on me and throws my heart down on the ground. I turn around to see him go with someone else who witnesses all this.

Suddenly I see my people around me. I look at my heart, and I dont want it any more. I want it to stop beating, so that I can die, but it doesnt. I have to live on. I have to live on for people who are around me and show them that I'm the same person I was. But how can I be the same person now? How can I come out of this hole and still be the same me? I cant. He's crippled me in ways which cant be ammended. I see him dissappear in the horizon.

If I scream for help now, people will know what he did, and will see me in this condition. I dont want that. I will put on a mask for them. The best one I have. To show them I'm the same person. It will only be me, who knows that I'm a changed person. Life for them will go on the way it was supposed to. They wont know the difference. I pick up my heart, lock it up in a safe within me and throw away the key. No one will ever dare to hurt me so bad again. No one will have access to it. I'll throw the safe away so deep within me, that even I would forget where I kept it.

I get up on my weak legs and walk away. My hair loose in the wind. But this time, no one's there to run their fingers through it, nor will there ever be.

Dost

2008-07-13T01:39:00.000-04:00

Juz tere koii bhi din raat na jaane mere
Tu kahaan hai magar ai dost puraane mere

Auto Biographies

2008-06-11T02:10:00.003-04:00

Its really amazing sometimes when u look back at a chunk of your life and actually make some meaning or a purpose out of it.

Perhaps this is a reason why people write auto-biographies, that they want other people to understand the situations they went through and understand why they made the decisions they made in their life.

I feel like writing a biography too right now. But this time it is so that I, myself, understand why I made the decisions I made. I am lost.

Alone & Lonely

2008-05-26T21:22:00.002-04:00

Alone - is when u are physically alone. There is no one around u, u're walking alone on a path.

Lonely - is when u might or might not have people around u but u're alone from the heart. U're lonely despite people being around u.

I'm lonely right now - and right now i'm in a situation where I feel like I'm going to be lonely for a very long time.

Struggle

2008-01-06T03:15:00.000-05:00

I'm always unsettled about what I should strive for.

I've been with people who totally strive for inner happiness... They want to be internally happy which in turn would bring in a meaning to their life and hence they will be able to be more productive in life. I understand that.

Then, on the other hand, I'm attracted towards people who are suffering from inside. They are not happy, infact struggling, but they aim more towards making other people's life easier. What a noble work.

These two things are very opposite from one another.
My perplexity is that I am standing at a point in my life where I can actually choose one of the two and then work towards it. I seem to be switching back and forth from one to the other. I want to stick with one and continue.

Then the thought occured to me: maybe this is how it is supposed to be. You are supposed to work on both, but one at a time. You cant choose between then two. This path is harder than the two paths taken alone, but it makes more sense.

So basicallly I was confused between these two quotations of people:
1. "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself." ANAIS NIN
2. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." ALBERT EINSTEIN

Rant

2007-12-11T00:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not really in the habit of complaining about my life with anyone. My job is to listen to other people about their problems in life and try to find a way for them to deal with them or change them. Since I am in the helping profession, I realize that it is a great stressor. It never stops.

The profession comes into my daily life as well. My friends and family all come to me either to rant or complain or ask for advice. My job is to listen to them, understand them, acknowledge their pain and try to help them find a way to deal with it. When I go to bed, it is only me I think about.

Today I feel like ranting but I'm not in the habit of doing that infront of anyone. So I just decided to do it here. I feel like a failure. Big huge failure. Maybe this is depression or the stress of a helper.

I feel like my brother took away my opportunity of making a choice in life as to what I wanted to do.
I feel like I did far too many sacrifices for my family and nothing got acknowledged.
I feel like I have the responsibilty to live up to the expectations of my family since none of my other siblings did.
I feel that to run away from all the pain inside me I've distracted myself so much that now that I realize what I really want to do, its too late for that.
I feel like my friends are not my friends but my patients who I should always be there for but shouldnt expect the same out of them or I will get dissapointed.
I feel like I have done nothing to make my parents proud of.

I've learnt that one member of the family is enough to poison the whole bunch.
I've learnt that ego can hurt a emotionally and physically.

I'm not suicidal. I dont want to die. I love life. I just wished it was different.

Sea

2007-10-25T01:10:00.000-04:00

There is some comfort in the emptiness of the sea: no past, no future.

Voices

2007-09-20T23:19:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you want to put the music in the car SO loud so that it can drain out the voices in your head, so that all the disturbing thoughts that come in to your head can be wiped away, so that you don't let your imagination go all crazy

CONFUSION

2007-09-09T11:57:00.000-04:00

Somebody called me Counfuzed - az in my Thinking, az in a Noun, az in Double Standardz. I found that offensive.

But now that I think about it, I think being confused iz not a bad thing at all. It leadz you to thinking. And I believe personally, that thoze who don't think are not humanz. Az humanz, what we do differently than animalz iz THINK. Animalz, are known to have only instictz and drivez. Humanz, have brainz. We can think logically, are aware of proz and conz of everything, and then come up to a conclusion. No other speciez in the world can do that.

So what iz confusion? In Psychiatry, it is a disturbed mental state. But I am thinking about a more basic type. The one which all of us go through. The one which iz lack of clearness, order or calmness.

Confusion comez with many vices, which iz why many of us dont like to be in that state for a very long time. Rarely, have people seen the good side of being confused, so I thought about writing that down today.

Confusion challengez our beliefz.
There are traditionz and beliefz which we may have been carrying on in familiez or countriez for generationz. Which could have no meaning for uz, which could be giving out the wrong message, or which might be downright offensive. When someone standz up against it - there are usually three kind of reactionz to it. (Not the conventional two: for and against) The people who are against a different thinking, would be the loudest. This group of people would be against that person just for having the gutz to say anything against it. They would call him/her with namez and threaten to kill that person. They would'nt look into the reasonz s/he might have raised his voice against! Nope! S/He doesnt deserve that.
The second group would be the one who would be FOR it. They might be a small daring group, but they are present nevertheless. This could be the start of a revolution maybe? Some of them might just be rebellious leaderz or some might be dumb followerz.
The third group which no one really notices, are the onez who are confused about the whole situation. They might realize it as a futile tradition but a strong one nevertheless. They understand why the first group feelz so strongly against the rebellious person but they also know that the rebellious person aint so wrong either. S/he bringz up good pointz.

Sonner or later this group haz to choose one or the other, using their brainz. But this confusion state is the best thing they could do for themselvez because that iz what makez them a strong believer in whatever they would choose later on.

Confusion makes us think.
Confusion helps us exercise our mental thinking capabilitiez. So obviously, if you are in a confused state it meanz, you have two roughly equal and opposite choices to make.
If you are confused about it, its a good thing. THINK it over.

Confusion makes uz realize what iz more important to us.
Sometimez, when a confusion point comez, we don't know which path to take. But it also makez us realize how we have been thinking for so long. It makez us think WHY we are confused. Why we SHOULD be confused.

Confusion makes us chooze.

The state of confusion iz the one to be enjoyed. Share your dilemma with otherz and help yourself come to a conclusion in which you are comfortable with. It makez you choose one thing over the other and maybe that would be the first time in your life where your decision would effect the rest of your life and the people around you.

Confusion revealz the real us.
In the end the choices we decide to make mouldz us into who we are and how much other people have influence on us. In short, it bringz out the real us. It shows people what we chose with a level head. And that bringz out our personality too.

Enjoy the state of CONFUSION. Only intellectual people are in it. ;)

East vs. West - Part II

2007-09-03T19:12:00.000-04:00

I absolutely LOVE the way how family is the top most priority in Eastern families.

No matter WHAT happens, the family is sacred and stays together and united. One person's struggle is everyone's struggle, one person's success is everyone's success.

I rarely see this type of strong gravitation within family in the western culture.

Sweet Home Alabama: Wingz and Rootz

2007-08-18T00:15:00.000-04:00

I waz watching Sweet Home Alabama for the second time, a while back. I guess becoz I waz watching it the second time I noticed thingz in it which I hadn't the first time. Or it could be the amount of sensitivity in me during thoze dayz was different. In any case, something really struck me in that movie.

It waz a scene where Reese Witherspoon (Melanie) after reaching her hometown in Alabama, attendz a party by her friendz. Everyone iz buzy havein booze when she walkz off to a cemetary and rememberz her dog which iz buried there. She goez in and sitz beside hiz grave and apologizes to her favourite pet for not being there when he would've needed her. Behind her comez Josh Lucas (Jake) who iz the husband she wantz divorce from. They share some momentz together remembering the pet they had together. Their comfortable closeness bringz them back to reality (that they are not that close anymore) and Jake acceptz that times have changed and that Mel haz made something out of herself in New York City. And with that he sayz the most meanigful and deep wordz:

YOU CANT HAVE ROOTS AND WINGS AT THE SAME TIME

Maybe I am in the time of my life where thiz ringz very true for me. Or maybe it REALLY iz true for each one of us? Can we really not have wingz and rootz at the same time?

When you have wingz, you fly. You can see the world and the world can see you. You could be famous and popular and rich and powerful but NOT grounded. One has to do many things to start "flying" including changing one self into something you might not be. That act takes away all the rootz you ever had.

When you have rootz. You are stable with both feet on the ground. People can cut you short or let you grow or YOU can make them cut you short or help you grow. But no matter what happenz, either way, you are on safe groundz with your rootz firmly in place, and you never forget that. They help you to identify you and remind you your purpose.

The famouz qoute of the movie iz:
Sometimes What You're Looking For Is Right Where You Left It.

Stress in Kids

2007-08-15T23:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we, az adultz, want to be children again becoz our life was very stress-free az kidz (or so az we remember it). We remember studying, playing, eating and sleeping az the only thingz we remember. Ofcourse thoze with maybe a few bad momentz az well. Most of us who have had an average childhood remember it to be very happy. But I would argue with people who believe thiz.

Life az a kid iz not stress-free. Az a kid, our world waz very small, we knew very little thingz. But whatever we did know waz at stake in the face of any problem. Imagine a kid who lovez superman. He adorez the fact that Superman can fly and SAVE people in trouble. He iz powerful and strong and can lift anything heavy and can destroy anything big. The kid wantz to be like him and dreamz to be like him when he growz up. He cannot wait to buy hiz own toy of superman and own "piece of superman." Now, he getz to buy it, and iz ecstatic. He personally knowz superman now. He iz hiz buddy. He can make him lift any weight he wantz and break anything he wantz.

One day he findz hiz own superman broken by hiz sibling. His superman'z gone. His world of superman az he knew it is finished. Who will save people now? Who will protect him from bulliez? He criez and criez and goez to sleep. Did he now face stress in hiz own little world? Would he not be disturbed from it? Will he trust hiz sibling with anything of hiz own again? Thiz iz only one incident. There are incidents like theze which happen to children everyday more than once a day. Each and everything iz a new experience for them. It iz incidentz like these which make us what we are today.

If anything, kidz are the most vulnerable to take stress. They are the onez who will take stress easily and becoz they are kidz with very little experience, they often dont even know how to react to these stressorz. No training is provided to them. Hence, it is through everyday actionz that they express their stress. Through their behaviour, through their drawings, through their play, etc. They learn from a very early age how to deal with people for the rest of their livez!

We often take children's behaviour lightly, but thiz iz the time when they need most supervision in their life. Thiz iz the reason I am strongly against motherz working (for pleasure) after their kid iz born. (Its another story if there iz no income otherwise).

My message to them: Itz a new life form which iz a part of you. Study your kid, love him/her, teach him/her, mould him/her, and give them the toolz they need for the rest of their life. No one can do it az perfectly az a mother. Every woman can have a child, very few are motherz.

East vs. West - Part I

2007-08-12T21:36:00.000-04:00

Thingz I dont like about MY eastern indo-pak culture:

- Love marriagez are still looked upon az a bad thing
There would be so much opposition in the family if the guy comes home and sayz that he likez a certain girl and would like to marry her. The mother would usually go into opposition at once without knowing anything. "How Dare He Choose A Girl Himself!"

- Fair colour girl iz still superior to a rather dark complexion girl
The parentz of a dark complexion girl would be so worried in fear that no one would take their girl coz she'z dark. A dark daughter-in-law would also be taunted on the colour of her skin if she doez anything to upset anyone.

- Women have a lot of time on their handz
Which is why they gossip so much.

Conversations With God

2007-08-10T00:38:00.000-04:00

So I saw thiz movie today called "Conversations With God". It was quite moving and based on a true story.
It made me realize what I had forgotten earlier, and what probably all of us have forgotten while living in our contemporary capitalistic western society.

It made me realize that I'm going after all the wrong thingz. Getting stressed about work, finding a better paying job, taking care of the house, family business, income taxez, materialistic pleasurez like clothez and shoez and jewellery. We are all running towardz the wrong thingz. True, theze are the thingz we have to face to live in a society, but we have made them the very purpoze of our life; to get more clothez, to get more money, to get the coolest cell phone, to get a hip car. We are all still sleeping. Wake up people, and look at the big picture.

When you are on your death bed, are you not gonna be sorry that all your life you have been running, but didnt know after what? Do we not sometimez feel like, there iz a purpose for this life, but we havent figured it out yet? There is a saying by someone, "Live Big, Not Long."

In thiz movie the character Neale goez through very difficult life situationz. And he feelz very angry at God for doing all that to him. He getz frustrated and askz God, what does it take to make life work? Very soon, he realizes all hiz answerz. His "conversationz" with God (whether it happened or not) changed him az a person. It gave him a new insight into life. He goez on to share those feelingz with everyone around him and that in turn changed their livez too.

He tellz us that each and everyone of us haz conversationz with God. Gods communicatez with us through our feelingz. We all have those momentz when we feel as if that song on the radio iz directly speaking to us, when we are just thinking about someone and they show up, when we want something impossible to happen and it happens, when we make a decision which might seem to be bad but you do it becoz you feel itz right and looking back it ends up to be the best decision you ever made. It is timez like these when you are having a conversation with God. God speakz to all of us, he tellz us whatz right and whatz wrong, through these very feelingz. If we want peace in our life, stop running after thingz that are not bringing you any happiness and look within. You might find God very close to you.

Our situation with us right now remindz me of Abraham Maslow'z theory of Heirarchy of Needs. We have to get past the physical and social barrierz to actually reach the stage of SELF ACTUALIZATON. Neale in this movie had reached that point of self-actualization, bcoz everything else didnt seem to give him any answerz so he started thinking beyond that.

A very impressive scene near the end just movez everyone where Neale is asked if there waz one thing God would want to tell us, and if you could summarize all your conversationz in one paragraph what would you say? Neale answers, "I can say that in five words: You got me all wrong"

I believe that today it iz not the presence of God and religion which iz dividing us all. It iz the ABSENCE of it which iz playing a havoc in our society.

Parents

2007-08-08T00:37:00.000-04:00

I've realized that no matter how much you think you are smart, or are wise, or intelligent. Your parentz will alwayz be one step ahead of you. When parentz say, "You are my child, I know you inside out", we, kidz, brush it off easily most of the timez. But they really mean it. They really know our nature. They know our limitationz and they know our wayz more than us.

Lesson I've learned today: Don't act too smart infront of your parentz, or don't think you know more than them coz in the end, no matter what happenz, they are still double your age with double ur experience.